"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
