I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
