How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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