All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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