i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I want her autograph on my taint
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
