i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
