just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
