fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
