This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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