dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
