And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize