Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
