Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
