my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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