you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
