too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
