I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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