I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
