Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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