I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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