just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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