honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
