just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
