Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he fucked my hip out of place.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
