I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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