I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
