The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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