i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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