you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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