I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
