Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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