Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
