now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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