dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
