dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
