i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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