My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
