I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sext me about skeletons
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
