Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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