drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
