1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we're chasing vodka with high fives
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
