I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
