you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
