I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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