forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm at about main and main street
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize