My room smells like vodka and shame
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My vagina is officially offended.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
