Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
