They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
