Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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