i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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