i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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