So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
