i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
