covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
