Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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