$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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