Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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