you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize