smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
