Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
