Whats the glycemic index on semen?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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