you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
