Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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