dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
