You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
