Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
