Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
