Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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