So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize