I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
