jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
