when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
