i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i came on her dog
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
