Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
