so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
