Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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