I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
