i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
