return my video game
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
